


love

by partydress



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy, Voyná i mir | War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace (TV 2016)
Genre: F/F, Unrequited Love, sadness like this is.... sad.... i'm a sad lesbian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 07:59:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12076887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/partydress/pseuds/partydress
Summary: marya loves natasha more than she planned to





	love

**Author's Note:**

> i'm a sad lesbian so i'm certified to write this anyway here's just a short little thing about marya loving natasha

Once, Marya had disliked Natasha. Now, that seemed impossible. Andrei falling so quickly and wholeheartedly in love made perfect sense; that was Natasha’s effect on everyone. Natasha was love personified, and Marya found herself slipping further into her warm glow. She would catch herself brushing a stray curl from Natasha’s face, and Natasha would smile that blinding smile and laugh that intoxicating laugh and Marya would look down and flush. 

“Natasha, do you… love me?” The words slipped out before Marya could stop them, and she cringed when she realized what she had said.

Natasha’s head tilted slightly; the question that had come seemingly out of nowhere confused her, but she quickly smiled a reassuring smile and moved closer to Marya.

“Of course I do, Marie! What would even cause you to ask such a question? I love you dearly!” Natasha punctuated each sentence with a kiss, and Marya simply blushed nodding, unable to look Natasha in the eyes. She wasn’t sure what other answer she could have expected. Natasha loved everyone; Natasha did not simply fall in love, she leapt at love with open arms. But Natasha could never love Marya in the way she longed for. 

Marya knew this and had accepted it long ago. She had once told her brother to pray for the love he did not feel; she, in turn, had prayed for an end to the love she felt. It wasn’t that she felt ashamed of her love for women; she had become well aware of this part of herself for a while now. Rather, it was simply too painful to keep feeling this, to keep falling for those who could never love her back. 

Of course Natasha loved Marya; this was evident to anyone who observed them for even a short amount of time. They clung to each other, kissed each other, couldn’t even spend time away from each other. Each kiss and touch left Marya tingling, her skin on fire from where Natasha's soft hands had rested. She tossed and turned at night, shut her eyes, tried to sleep, unable to shake the visions of Natasha from her head. Once, in passing, Natasha had remarked on some of the similarities and differences she had noticed between Marya and Andrei, and that night Marya had dreamt that it was her who Natasha had fallen in love with, this time with no father to pull them apart, no Anatole to cause ruin, simply love.

She woke up and found it hard to look at Natasha all morning.

Pierre was sweet and gentle and a perfect match for Natasha. She knew Natasha loved him with all her heart, and she was happy for them, truly; yet there were times when she was unable to shake the pain deep within. It was selfish to feel this way, she told herself that repeatedly; Natasha and Pierre were dear friends and she should feel nothing but the utmost happiness for them. But, when alone, Marya wished it were her in Pierre’s place.

In her dreams, Marya did not ask Natasha if she loved her. In her dreams, Marya emptied her heart and soul and told Natasha that she loved her and wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of their lives together, and Natasha would begin to cry and smile and exclaim that she felt the same way, and the two would embrace in a way they never had before. 

But those were dreams, and this was reality. In reality, Natasha married Pierre and Marya married Nikolai and she resigned herself to the fact that this was what her life would be. And simply being in Natasha’s radiant presence was enough, for the most part. Occasionally, there were times when it all became too much, when Natasha would kiss her for a bit too long, or simply look at her with those sparkling eyes, and she would need to excuse herself. It was times like these in which she truly appreciated having Nikolai as a husband; he, too, understood how it felt to love those who could not feel the same, and she felt herself able to bare her soul to him.

“Is it possible to love too much?” 

“I’m a Rostov. I think that’s all we know how to do,” he said with a soft laugh, and Marya smiled slightly and dried her eyes.

Marya loved Natasha, and the love engulfed her. She could not help loving her, and she could see no way of shaking these feelings. And yet, when she saw Natasha, when she felt the pure light that seemed to radiate from her, she knew that she had no intention of changing how she felt.


End file.
